July 9, 2012
Is divorce for you?
No one said married life was going to be easy. Almost half of all marriages in the U.S. end with divorce. Hispanics have a lower divorce rate than most other races but it is on the rise. Studies suggest that much of this is due to more education and less religious superstitions in the younger generations. Younger Latinos are not seeing divorce as a “sin” anymore and seeing it as a solution to their problems.
Lorna Jorgenson Wendt is the founder and president of Equality in Marriage, a non-profit organization that helps men and women maintain an equal partnership in marriage. She now provides other couples with tips and advice to help their love lives before divorce is even an option.
1. Know yourself
Every woman needs to spend some quality time alone to get to know herself. Write down your interests, dreams, goals, or take up a hobby. According to Wendt, women especially Latinas need to know that if they were alone they would be ok. Even if you are already married, you need to be an independent person and can take care of yourself. This will make communicating with your husband easier because you won’t feel like you need him or are a burden.
2. Taken for granted?
Everyone wants to feel desirable and needed. You should tell each other what you need from each other to feel wanted. Be passionate and give each other kisses, gifts, or some more attention for no special reason.
3. Talk it out
Communication can be a difficult process for any couple and it is even harder if you are from two different cultures. It is important to talk about all aspects of your marriage, and the sooner the better. You should discuss all the important (and less important) decisions in your marriage to avoid fighting over little things. How many kids do you want to have? Who will take care of them? How will you split the expenses? Who will throw out the garbage? Make yourself clear so there will be no resentment later on.
4. Pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements
It may not be very romantic and it is definitely not a norm in Hispanic marriages but pre and post nuptial agreements are necessary according to Wendt. With almost half of marriages ending in divorce, it is like a security measure. If you take care of all the nasty details while you are still on good ground, if you do end up getting a divorce everything will be much easier.
5. Keep the passion alive
When kids come into the picture, sometimes couples have a hard time being romantic. According to Wendt, the arrival of children puts a strain in many relationships because it becomes all about the baby and less about the couple. Hire a baby sitter and go out on dates or have a romantic dinner once the baby goes to sleep. You should schedule time to be together so that your marriage can survive your children.
Are you thinking about getting a divorce? Do you have any tips for a lasting marriage? Share them below.